About Happiness

Or the lack thereof

You see people around you achieving big things, reaching somewhere in life and you are happy for them; be it your friends or whoever. It’s only natural to be happy because you know and understand about those person, how they get to achieve what they just achieve and whatever, there’s nothing much you can do other than be happy.

But then you look at yourself, you look back at everything you did and think “I’m happy for them, but why am I not happy for myself?”

You look back and you think whether there are things you could’ve done differently, thinking about the what ifs of scenarios had it went the way you wanted. None of it really matters in the end. There’s nothing you can do that can change it.

All you think you have now is just regret, of how thing could have been. Everything in front of you is slipping away, and you are losing grip with reality, becoming more and more detached with the world.

There’s this gaping hole inside of you that you’re struggling to fill with, and it’s only going bigger as time goes by. The bigger the hole gets, the more hollow, numb, and empty everything feels. All of a sudden, nothing seems to matter anymore.

No more purpose, no more direction, no more meaning in life.

You want to be and you are happy for others, as you have always been this whole time. You want them to know that you are happy for them, that you do appreciate their effort in getting what they get, and that you are glad the fact you get to be a part in their journey.

It’s just a shame that, you’re not happy with yourself.